"Democracy defines the truth as anything believed by at least 51 men in every 100. It is thus firmly committed to the doctrines that one bath a week is enough, that "I seen" is the past tense of "I see", and that Friday is an unlucky day."
"A Socialist, carrying a red flag, marched through the gates of Heaven. "To hell with rank!" he shouted. "All men are equal here." Just then the late Karl Marx turned a corner and came into view, meditatively stroking his whiskers. At once the Socialist fell upon his knees and touched his forehead to the dust. "O Master!" he cried. "O Master, Master, Master!""
"Democracy is also a form of religion. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses."
"Three proofs that the Creator is a humorist: democracy, hay fever, any fat woman."
"How little it takes to make life perfect! A good sauce, a cocktail after a hard day, a girl who kisses with her mouth half open."
"The sort of man a woman remembers longest is the sort that it would be better not to remember at all."
"Without a doubt there are women who would vote intelligently. There are also men who knit socks beautifully."